Kim Kardashian vs. The Real L-Word.
Ackelsberg & Plaskow’s “Why We’re Not Getting Married” really sparked my interest because it offered a view of the marriage equality debate that I honestly had never considered before. The article questions the relative importance of fighting for marriage equality because there exists such a wide range of “alternative” families and individuals who are being denied their basic rights. Ackelsberg & Plaskow state that “focusing on the right to marry perpetuates the idea that these rights ought to be linked to marriage” (p. 274). They argue that the real issue here is that our society ties basic rights that all people deserve with marriage, thus denying these basic rights from many people from other alternative families such as single parents, widowed or divorced parents, etc. Thus, I believe they are saying that marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples is not enough.
Although this article opened my eyes to how limiting and exclusionary the conventions of marriage are in our country, I am concerned that Ackelsberg & Plaskow are missing a major reason why people are fighting for marriage equality. At the risk of sounding too basic, I have to ask, what about the individuals who want to get married (either for the sake of it or to protect themselves) and aren’t allowed? Doesn’t the mere fact that gay and lesbian couple’s lifelong partnerships are not legally recognized as straight couple’s partnerships are legally recognized marginalize them? I agree that perhaps there should be a movement to change the fact that our basic rights are attached to a traditional view of marriage. But does that really mean we shouldn’t fight for marriage equality? Can we do both?
While debating this with myself, I couldn’t help but think about one of the most gossiped-about current events. That is, Kim Kardashian’s divorce after being married to Kris Humphries for 72 days. So, I did a little google search and found this public letter written by The Real L-Word stars Jill Goldstein and Nikki Weiss-Goldstein: http://news.advocate.com/post/12173041787/lesbian-outrage-over-kim-kardashian . As the letter states, Nikki and Jill have been unlawfully wed since October of 2010. They state that their wedding day was “the most magical day of [their] lives.” However, they also mention the measures they had to take in order to ensure that their “bond was guarded.” The letter ends by asking for a public apology (in the form of a donation to the HRC) in order to make up for disrespecting the “sacred union” that so many people are denied. This letter struck home to me. It exemplifies just how important the fight for marriage equality is for many individuals because their lifelong partnership deserves to be legally recognized just as much as a straight partnership and it is not. I think I have come to the conclusion myself that although there is a problem in how we attach basic rights to a traditional view of marriage/the family, marriage equality should still be fought for. I think it is unfortunate that these authors think that the fight for marriage equality and the fight for basic rights for all are mutually exclusive.
So, the questions I would like to pose to the class are as follows:
-Do you think, as Ackelsberg & Plaskow state, that “focusing on the right to marry perpetuates the idea that these rights ought to be linked to marriage”? If so, do you think we should shift our view away from fighting for marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples and into an overhaul of our traditional system of attaching basic rights to marriage?
-Do you think the fight for marriage equality and the fight for rights for all regardless of family status have to be mutually exclusive? Do you think we can fight for both?
